quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
