I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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