I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Randomize
