Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
