Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
im calling her cock vulture from now on
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
