I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
