we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
