the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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