it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
