I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
