You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Welp...herpes.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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