I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
