on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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