my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
