I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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