we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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