Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
