Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
