Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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