How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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