Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
