found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
should my penis look like a turkey
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
