I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
