your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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