Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
