Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
