I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
last night I used snow as a chaser
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
