someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
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i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
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Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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