I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Randomize
