o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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