if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
