I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
