Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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