I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Come share oat with me in your robe
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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