you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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