Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
