Ambien. No doubt about it.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So much Jack, so little girl.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
