sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
