your thong is hanging out like whoa
no, he came in my armpit
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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