Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
