you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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