I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
