Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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