You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
