I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize