dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
