we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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