You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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