The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
