No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
