Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
