matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
