I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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