I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
