YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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