Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
