a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize