Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
