i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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