It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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