she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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