chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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