The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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