Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
