Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
