That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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