we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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