Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
