Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
