OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
