I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
