you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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