Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
