Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
