Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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