Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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