so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
