at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
