its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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